Marty Mcfly Disappointed to Find That Tauranga Music Still Sux in 2015


After accidentally arriving in Tauranga in 2011 with time travelling partner and friend, the eccentric Delorean driving Doc Brown in attempt to escape the incestuous flirting of his horny teenaged Mother and flying fists of fury of town bully Biff Tannen. Mcfly was surprised to see a music scene growing from the one he had seen during prior missions.


Tauranga was a scene noted for its cover bands, ageing white boy blues and jazz acts, generic heavy metal bands and the odd out of touch Oi Oi punk poseur. However in 2011 after adopting the name Calvin Klein and assimilating into town as the newest local heart throb he was surprised to see a flurry of interesting activity coming from the music underground.


"Things seemed to be changing in sleepy Tauranga. It had a real positive vibe. Zines were being made. Gigs held in odd locations like tunnels and powered by generators. There were some bizarre acts like Spork, Bob Mcbob, Flogging a Dead One Horse Town, Prof. Deadaddledbrain, Stonewalled Bambies, Natures Worst and Blind Lemsip Jefferson churning out the tunes. And new faces were coming to gigs. But fast forward 4 years and all that new promise has vanished."


While some would argue the opposite point to Mr Mcfly -  listing positives and achievements such as Woodcock, Burning Wang, Super Narco Man, Savant Garde Records, All Hail the Funkillers, The Sleazeball, Liberated Squid, Scowloween, Gobshites Cookbook, ever expanding popularity, Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple, international touring acts, Eskimo Pussy, various booze cruises, Edward Gains and the Human Remains, the Prophet Motive etc etc. Others would side with Marty in the sense that Tauranga never reached its true potential.


"Tauranga was on its way to becoming something unique and individual but now they are the exact same scene as anywhere else. All the hate has disappeared which means that the desire to strive to be different has disappated and in turn motivation has became about getting more people to like the TMS facebook page and paying their $10 at the door. Where is Bob McBob. Who lynched Blind Lemsip? Why does Tauranga's most talented musician Ashley Mckinley only play once a year now. Who the fuck is that Zak Galafianakis looking keyboard playing mutha fucker in Threat.Meet.Protocol and when did they castrate their own balls? How did Savant Garde Records become Tauranga's biggest record label when Natures Worst was far better in name and execution? How did everyone get so old - they are sadder than the white blues fags? Why 'Fuck Muzai' - weren't they the ones who helped put Tauranga on the map?"


"Man, fuck their shitty ironic boutique hipster filled festival. There professionally done but made to look cheap website - if Scowlin wants to rant then let him do so in a fucken zine with a badly drawn dick on the front cover. No one seems to be offended by anything anymore. Whats up with the Most Boring Story Ever and their gear obsession - didn't we all use to play Samick guitars through Ashton amps while recording through Dictaphones? Remember when Stefan hadn't heard every album ever made and could still be enthused by music? Didn't we used to mock people who held gigs where the gimmick was to play dress up - yet now you have Sweet 16's, high school balls and Halloween parties? What the fuck happened to this place? I'm going back to the 2011 when Jack still owned Krazy Jacks and Rage Against the Machine hadn't yet come back around as being accepted cool. Fuck you TMS you wannabe fools"