50.) You still play an instrument and not a computer keyboard.
49.) Your entire illustrious music career can be boiled down to a fashionable T-Shirt worn by Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus .
48.) You are now 6 years older than your musical heroes were when they died.
47.) Your old musician buddy sold you the high premium insurance you 'needed' to cover your antique guitar collection.
46.) Your idea of edgy fashion sense is wearing a fedora.
45.) You have graduated from no ear plugs to toilet paper to $2 ear plugs to ear muffs to a $300 audiologist crafted specialty noise reduction piece to cut all noise down to a faint barely traceable vibrational hum.
44.) Your favourite music venue is actually a sports bar that occasionally has a husband/wife folk duo performing in the off season.
43.) You are beginning to 'Get' Dire Straits.
42.) Your ideal Saturday night is now spent watching syndicated repeats of Graham Norton while drinking tea and clipping your toe nails over last weeks free local newspaper.
41.) Your bands main influence is jogging.
40.) You 'just don't know anymore...'
39.) You finally ran out of new music to experiment with and got into electronica.
38.) You have long hair and yet you don't have a physical deformity.
37.) Well it turns out that Jim Morrison WAS a pretentious twat and the Doors movie was atrocious.
36.) You are really excited to see who Josh Homme will collaborate with next.
35.) You are having a child and as of yet are not denying parenthood of it.
34.) Your band still has a Myspace page.
33.) Music venues are 'icky'.
32.) You passionately hate everyone from Portland.
31.) Your 39 songs in 13 minute thrash punk band is now a sludge doom band whose shortest song clocks in at 39minutes and 13 seconds.
30.) Your idea of a late gig is 7pm.
29.) There seems to be a direct correlation between the ever increasing amount spent on instruments and the rapid decline in time spent playing them.
28.) Exactly 23 years after trading in all your favouite albums on vinyl in order to buy them on CD you complete the full circle of sadness by trading in all your CDs to repurchase your old vinyl collection at 5 times the cost.
27.) Your back stage rider consists of 17 types of different imported organic exotic fruits.
26.) You have more hair on your back than head.
25.) Leaving the house fills you with an all consuming sense of dread.
24.) You are slowly learning Slashes entire back catalogue in order to improve your 'fret work'.
23.) Your anti corporate stance rapidly disappeared the moment Coke offered you 10k to write a catchy jingle for their new 'Ooh it's summer' advertising campaign.
22.) You are Dave Grohl.
21.) Your band consists of 7 other 'Dads'.
20.) Your jeans don't fit anymore.
19.) You wear a bandanna and yet don't have cancer.
18.) In the past 2 years your band has played 2 gigs, written zero new material and lost half the membership base and yet have made more Twitter posts than @Taylor Swift.
17.) Wives cannot be called 'Groupies' - they find it very offensive. Ok.
16.) Sometimes you are not sure if your smoke alarm is going off or your tinnitus is steadily worsening.
15.) First your brother and song writing partner developed dementia, then your drummer was arrested on drug and attempted murder charges, the singer went deaf, now your bass player is retiring and you look really stupid in that school boy outfit.
14.) Your hobbies used to be listed as 'Music' and 'Gaming'. Now it reads the other way round.
13.) There is just no time for your music anymore. You have only collected 58 Pokemon and desperately need to catch em all.
12.) Your friend circle used to be made up exclusively of musicians and those involved in the scene. Now your circle is made up of Mums/Dads and those involved with taking their kids to soccer practice.
11.) You traded your van in for a Prius.
10.) The Beatles already did it.
9.) You are too old for Punk but not quite old enough to play Jazz.
8.) Your ideal overseas tour now involves 30 other couples travelling together on a chartered bus staying in scattered bed and breakfasts and investigating hot spot tourist attractions by day.
7.) No matter how hard you try you just cannot seem to eclipse that 5 star classic album you created in your bedroom 3 years ago that your Mum really liked.
6.) Your divorce settlement came through. We are sorry but your ex-wife got your guitars and the drummer.
5.) We admire your ability to reinvent yourself musically. But taking the persona of a African American gansta rapper is a bit of a stretch when you are a 65kg white guy from Palmerston North.
4.) We were just being nice all those years. Your music really isn't very good.
3.) You are Helen Keller.
2.) APRA are paying out their royalty checks and it is safe to say that once you cash it in you and all your musician buddies will be able to retire and move to Fiji forever.
1.) You are really just so old, sad and pathetic. Isn't it time you grew up?