John Key Denied Entry Into Illuminati

New Zealand Prime Minister John Keys application to join elite underground super club for rich powerful white men The Illuminati was today denied on the grounds that he is neither rich, powerful nor man enough to help control the world via an all powerful secretive one government.


National Party leader Key who in 2012 trailed the New Zealand rich list with a personal fortune of $50 million was denied entry on the grounds that the equivalent of his personal wealth is what a Rothschild would spend daily on virgins to sacrifice.  Other contributing factors to Keys denial were the fact that the only two members of the Illuminati to know where New Zealand was had no desire to have all consuming power over it because they had seen Lord of the Rings and while controlling the human populace is one thing 'Orcs and Trolls be bad ass. Fuck pulling their puppet strings in Middle earth. They will eat me...'  He is also not a man. In a press release issued today by Keys secretary the Prime Minster expressed frustration in his inability to meet the criteria necessary to rub cocks with the elite politicians, businessmen and powerful overlords of the world. "Um I guess I'm not that rich um now that I am um aren't gambling with um the economical prosperity of the world on um Wall Street um but you think that my Mother was Jewish um and that I am the Prime Minister of New Zealand would um stand for something." Key has vowed not to be phased by this snub and has already found solace in another club of powerful like minded people, The Lions Foundation. "Um, yeah um the Illuminati has far reaching power over all aspects of the world um from the banking system, food and medical supply through to which races we are allowed to massacre on a daily basis um. But the Lions Foundation are also a pretty powerful um operation. This week we are sponsoring a Rowing Team to um get to the Junior Championship in Denmark um and next week we are doing a Book Sale um. So yeah I'm happy. Um." Mr Key has vowed to keep applying for admittance into the Illuminati ranks however by further raping the New Zealand population of their savings to increase his own personal wealth, sell more state owned assets to initiate new partnerships with rich offshore businessmen and to work on changing his chromosomes from XX to XY sometime this year. "I'm a man god dammit!!!"

 

 

Search