Reasons Why We Still Live in Tauranga

 

 

* Currently awaiting trial for punching an old lady in a moment of road rage at the Cameron Road & 11th Ave traffic lights.

* Earning potential in this town is just too high.

*  Accidentally got pregnant at 17 then again at 21 and 22. As did all of our friends. 

 

* Born and raised in Papamoa. Didn't realise there was another mode of life other than retirement.

* With your boast of reading 3 Dan Brown novels per year putting you firmly in the Tauranga intelligentsia you fear the big city/foreign country truth that you didn't actually read them and that they are only kept because they look good on the floor of your toilet with the bookmark set to page 7.

* Spent all our travel money on beer/pokies/cigarettes/strippers/dope/big screen tvs/Holden mags/Starter caps/Call of Duty 1 through to 56/more beer/KFC/ postcards to people who escaped/porn.

* Recently built an extension for our rut.

* The village elders have told us tales of what lies beyond the township borders. We live in fear of their mysterious ways.

* GPS is faulty. Can't seem to escape Matua.

* Friends all did their OE's and said upon their return that the rest of the world was overrated and that Tauranga is far more cultured, vibrant and prettier than anywhere else.

* Still awaiting that Tauranga Inernational Aiport expansion.

* Too busy playing League of Legends.

* Saving to move to Hamilton.

* Working under some big fish/small pond ideal that my burgeoning writing and events management career will take off faster in a town where my competition extends to 3 only  other people all called Dave.

* Waiting  to be run out of town by a vengeful posse for knocking up ol' Farmer Thompsons milk maid daughter.

* Didn't realise staying was optional.

* Only 13 more years to go on our apprenticeship.

* Still searching for the one armed man that killed my wife and framed me for her murder.

* Never graduated from Otumoetai College 5th Form English.

* Passport expired, spent $134 renewal cost on half an ounce.

* What do you mean we can't collect our dole money in France?

* Can only afford to fly air Malaysia.

* Ankle bracelet has a 5km radius.

* AA road map only goes as far as Te Puna.

* Making the most of the world class Tay Street surf reef.

* Aim to please. So proving those who said we would amount to nothing absolutely right.

* Jeans aren't skinny enough for Wellington.

* Awaiting paternal tests from 5 different women.

* Been to every Steamers game over the past 12 seasons, not missing one this year just cause my dopey sheila wife wants to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary with a trip to Europe.

* Love ragging on this place too much.

 

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