Imperfect Offering - Leonard Cohen Tribute Act Review





My Father and I have a long and at times strained relationship over the musical merits of Leonard Cohen. As a child Cohen would be one of the cassettes of choice for long family road trips,it was on those trips where I prayed for a cement mixer to plough into the rear of our car. Despite a perpetually loose seat belt and eyes eagerly looking out the back window for an end to this misery I had to suffer a fate much worse than death - ‘The Future’ on repeat. The completion of those road trips were when I truly committed to atheism.


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Tauranga Music Sux - End of an Error Zine


If you were to tell me in 2011 that Tauranga Music Sux would have lasted this long then I would have laughed in your pathetic still living at home with the parents , suffocating student debt suffering, alcohol  reddened, vape wheezin', sun blistered, weed smokin' droopy eyed faces. TMS was nothing but a mere folly to keep me sane before fleeing this 2 star retirement home for opportunities more be fitting of someone with a rare Tauranga intangible those in other more prosperous areas label as 'motivation' and or 'hope'.  

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55th National Jizz Fest Review:


Over the course of the past 6 years we have ridden the coat tails of the Tauranga Jazz Festival with our own Easter weekend parody, staging a multiple act punk event known as the Jizz Fest. This has operated outside the purview of the council and Jazz elitists by being held in tunnels, under flyovers, at skate parks, sheds, lounges etc. This year we decided to take the Jizz to the Jazz and booked in at Settlers Bar on Wharf Street - deep within the heart of Jizz village. It wasn't meant to be.

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An Eternity Alone With Lawrence Arabia....


Lawrence of Arabia was a 1962 film filled with stunning action sequences, non stop excitement, a handsome charismatic lead and played for a 'I can't believe that was really 3 and a half hours' running time. An Evening Alone With Lawrence Arabia was a 2017 concert held at the Incubator in Tauranga's Historic Village featuring repetitive song structures, annoyingly self indulgent lyrics, an impish man boy frontman and played for a 'Wow, that was 1 and half hours of my life that I will never get back' running time.

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The Death of the Tauranga Dive Bar


Before craft beer, micro breweries and aesthetically pleasing family restaurants masquerading as bars started infesting the Tauranga nightlife with  their highfalutin big city ideals the drinking landscape was a much different one. 

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Tracs/Traks: A Eulogy

In our own idiosyncratic ways we are all hopelessly addicted to something or rather. Be it via excessive alcohol consumption, fatty food obsessions, chain smoking cigarettes/weed/pole. Yes, the firm grip of dependence has us all in its dry, calloused chronic masturbaters hands. 

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Bike Wankers


Bike Wankers, you know the kind. Not the sweet old lady with the basket filled with yarn riding her Raleigh 7 home after a day at her friend Agnes's house. Nor the sticky pawed, rotund little kids riding their BMX's on the pavement at 3pm after school. Not even the sad middle aged couple taking a 6pm ride around the block on their Mountain Bikes that cost more than my car. And I can forgive the fixie riding hipsters, the retro cruiser peddling hippies, the environmentally conscious suit wearing business man and Kev from the wharf who got caught drink driving last month and can't get a ride from his 'Missus' because he's 'in the dog house aye'.

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