I'm Sorry Music Venues...But You Have Cancer

 

Last night marked the end of an era. Aucklands best music venue - Lucha Lounge closed its doors for the final time with a goodbye gig featuring The DHDFDs, Bloodbags and The Vottones (Catch them next weekend at Karma Strip Club in Tauranga...#Freeplug #titties #rawknrawll). 

Read more: I'm Sorry Music Venues...But You Have Cancer
 

Bruce Willis Arrested After Alan Rickman Plunges 30 Stories to His Death

The world is in slightly less mourning that it was for David Bowies death after hearing of the passing of actor Alan Rickman on Thursday morning. Best remembered for roles in the Harry Potter series,  Die Hard and Dogma - Rickman lit up each movie he starred in with a voice that soothed with the dry warm tones of gurgled semen. 

 

Read more: Bruce Willis Arrested After Alan Rickman Plunges 30 Stories to His Death
 

Deaths Most Wanted:

 

With music industry legends and notables dying like its 1999 we have decided to rate the chances of other living legends joining the big on going jam in the sky. Question is - who does the Grim Reaper have on his Deathmas wish list?

Read more: Deaths Most Wanted:
 

Music Fans Offer Up Eric Clapton As Human Sacrifice in Order to Save Greats

 

Delegates from music communities around the world are today meeting with Death in order to broker a deal that will hopefully save the merciless loss of any more true heroes. In turn overrated self proclaimed 'Guitar God' and perennial 'White Blues Fag' Eric Clapton has been offered as a human sacrifice to establish this peace. 

Read more: Music Fans Offer Up Eric Clapton As Human Sacrifice in Order to Save Greats
 

Rock Legends Soon to Consist of Only Chester Bennington

With every rockstar of name and note dying or seemingly about to die this week the world has begrudgingly named Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington a rock legend.

Read more: Rock Legends Soon to Consist of Only Chester Bennington
 

Next Year is Going to Be Just as Crap

 

Make all the New Years resolutions that you want but next year is going to be just as crap friend. 

Read more: Next Year is Going to Be Just as Crap
 

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