Review: Liberated Squid - Sideshow of Shit

 

After last years release of Liberated Squids Double EP the brothers Baxter have followed up on their new found success of 48 likes on Facebook, a mid pie compliment by Simon Sweetman and an overwhelmingly positive review by notoriously hard to please critics NZ Musician with 6 new songs for the 'Sideshow of Shit' EP.

 

Read more: Review: Liberated Squid - Sideshow of Shit
 

Review: Baz Mantis and the D-Day Saints

 

Baz Mantis formerly the man behind Taurangas answer to Poison, AppMantis. Director of no budget horror movie Chair Evil. And photographer of cheap girls has released a new album of cheese crust hits to further put off people from venturing out to see original music in Tauranga.

Read more: Review: Baz Mantis and the D-Day Saints
 

Top 10 Woodcock Moments You Probably Wish You Had Forgotten:

 

 

10.) The Main Stage Breaks - Grizzled man sized bassist from the New Kill,  Andre Hume was minding his own business playing his 4 string when 'whoosh' the fucker fell right through the  stage. While we have tried to heap the blame heavily upon his beer and pie consumption truth was we blew the stage budget on spray paint to draw big cocks everywhere and thus could only afford the worst wood imaginable come building time. Andre however was unfazed and continued to play now 4 feet shorter than the rest of the band, bobbing out of his hole like a hardcore loving Winnie the Pooh.

Read more: Top 10 Woodcock Moments You Probably Wish You Had Forgotten:
 

Erotic Encounters With Dave Dobbyn: Woodcock Edition.

 

 

It was 2013, the first year of Woodcock when Dave Dobbyn first properly entered my heart and re-entered my loins.

 

My Davey was on another never ending tour of vineyards across New Zealand when he accidentally stumbled across our humble little festival. Lost on the backroads of Tauranga following the scent of freshly popped cheap alcohol and the bright lights of peoples red flared noses he was easily mistaken for thinking that at the end of the vine he would find a crowd of eagerly awaiting 40 something booze hounds. But alas it was but us....

Read more: Erotic Encounters With Dave Dobbyn: Woodcock Edition.
 

Citizens of Tauranga Pretend to be Wellington

A crowd of over 6000, 2012 Poseurs Vinyeard Chardonnay sipping, organic Venison eating, dilettantes descended upon Blake Park yesterday for the first annual  On the Lawn Food, Beer, Wine and Music Festival in a deluded attempt to portray themselves with a level of sophistication more likely to be seen in Wellington . 

Read more: Citizens of Tauranga Pretend to be Wellington
 

Top 10 Reasons You Aren't Invited to Woodcock 2015

 

10.) You have a tattoo of Pee Wee Herman on your chest, like Burzum, have more eye brow than forehead and your name is Jack Brock.

 

9.) You are too mainstream. We the elitist, under ground dwelling cool kids of Tauranga wish not to hang out with your low brow kind. Come back when you source some moustache wax, your artisan bread has a little less gluten and your favourite band has a boho chic chick playing synth in it.

Read more: Top 10 Reasons You Aren't Invited to Woodcock 2015
 

The Top 10 Bands to Avoid at Woodcock 2015

 

With 40+ bands playing across 4 stages you cannot expect to see every band and quite frankly why should you. Some don't deserve the attention and really I only booked them because I told their Mums I would. So here is a quick guide to The Top 10 Bands to Avoid at Woodcock 2015

 

10.) Wheatbags Anonymous: The brothers wheat, Bishop Tedbarley and Organ Lady Gladys Toeatwheatus are the kind of band that you have seen, heard and hated before. With cliched lyrics about Stacey Jones 'selling loans and smoking cones' and futuristic wheat eating aliens from the year 4000 you will find yourself stifling yawns as they try to woo you with their facetious stage banter and ostentatious outfits designed and donned to deflect attention away from their gaping musical chasm. 

Read more: The Top 10 Bands to Avoid at Woodcock 2015
 

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